


Making Muffins

by Infiniteleft



Series: The Fox and The Flower [6]
Category: Vocaloid
Genre: Accidental Innuendo, Bad Cooking, Baking, Established Relationship, F/F, Fluff, Humor, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Mild Language, Mild Sexual Content, Sickfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-09
Updated: 2021-01-09
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:35:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28646898
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Infiniteleft/pseuds/Infiniteleft
Summary: She would do anything for love, including that. Flower discovers the hard way that baking isn't all it's cracked up to be, and it turns out eggs are important.
Relationships: DAINA/flower (Vocaloid)
Series: The Fox and The Flower [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1531973
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	Making Muffins

**Author's Note:**

> CW: emetophobia, mentions of bad parenting, mild innuendo, and mild violence (towards a muffin).

The night had been cold and unforgiving. In the dying throes of winter, there wasn’t much to do for the weather. All that could be done, really, was dress warmly and find yourself a warm place to sleep. In this case, she had chosen her girlfriend to latch onto. Tightly. Daina might’ve clung on for many reasons, but she’d drifted off to sleep content and bursting with a heat that ran deep into her chest, blooming over her skin and across her face. God, she loved this… or at least, she had.

She’d woken to an arm tucked around her shoulder. And discomfort.

Warmth was something she usually cherished, especially when it radiated from the body beside her, but something was different, today, and already, she felt something kind of like regret settling in. And something else… though what it was was hard to tell through the pounding in her head as she blinked away sleep. Grimacing and shying away from the all too bright lights, she pulled the blanket over her head with a feeble moan. Her left eye scrunched shut hard against the pain. Cold licked at her skin, and she realized with a sinking pit in her stomach that today wasn't going to be a good day.

And both of them were about to have a horrible morning.

* * *

Flower rolled over to catch her girlfriend teetering out of their bed. Normally, the woman wasn't so hasty to get up, but today was different, apparently. She was about to roll over, since maybe it was something she didn't want to know about. But when the sounds of retching came from the bathroom, concern snapped her awake and out of bed.

"You okay?" She called in English as her own steps scuffed against the flooring. The sight that met her in the doorway was pitiful; a dimly lit bathroom, scattered toiletries, and Daina hurling up the remnants of last night's dinner onto the floor. Ah. Fuck. So that was it, huh?

As soon as she caught her breath, Daina gave her a glare. It would've been withering, had she not looked like a dried up dandelion herself. "Do I look okay to you?" She wheezed out, scooting away from the spot on the floor. Well… she couldn't blame her.

The fact that her girlfriend probably felt far worse than she looked was the only thing that kept her from snarking back. "No," was the most she said. "Are you going to do that again?"

Silence greeted her. Well, not just silence, to be honest; an even more pathetic scowl also was a response, as sad as it was.

"I think that is a yes." Fumbling for what she should do now, Flower stared at the counter. "You… mmm…. Sit here." She motioned towards the edge of the bathtub, which garnered reluctant compliance. Wasting no time, she nudged the wastebin in between Daina's legs.

Carefully, the redhead rested her hands on her knees as she blinked through weak tears stinging at her eyes. She took a careful breath in through her nose. "Don't think we're gonna…" Her voice faded out miserably, and panic flashed across her face. A hand leapt to her throat. Effort was evident in the rest of the words she forced out. "...'nna h've th-at movie night now…"

"Definitely not." Flower grimaced, scooting around the puddle on the floor as she rummaged in the cabinet. Daina had already nagged her a little to organize, but now she was starting to see reason behind it… mentally, she tacked that onto the to-do list.

Right now though, she needed a thermometer. Which she found! ...but the covers for them were missing. Crap. Of course they were. She leaned back into an awkward squat.

...And immediately turned her head away, upon hearing even worse misery coming from right next to her.

* * *

It was supposed to be a nice, lovely, and relaxed day before her date. Go out and see a new movie, maybe catch some dinner afterwards. She would've spent most of the time with her hands in Flower's hair, feeling the short, silky fluff between her fingers. No knots would be left behind.

But nope.

Here she is, stuck in bed, shivering miserably under the sheets. While her stomach finally settled a little, the rest of her body was still kicking up a fury. The pain no longer was restricted to her head, but had grown into a steady ache that lingered in her spine. Rolling onto her side didn't ease it. In fact, it was the opposite.

Wonderful. Joyous. Miraculous. She tried to come up with all the large words that were only really useful for sarcasm or sappiness. Ooh, there was splendid… Fantastic was another. Copacetic was even more obscure.

Braunschweiger was a food and frankly, one Daina missed.

Maybe Flower knew where some could be found. Except, unfortunately, the idea of delicious, delicious lunchmeats set her guts into a revolution. A painful, painful revolution.

Flower needed to hurry the fuck up with the--

A crash from the kitchen sent her cowering under the blanket and into a fury. "The hell are you doing in there?!" As pathetic as her shriek was, it came out. That was nice.

* * *

Flower sighed as she shut the bedroom door behind her. Her girlfriend was easily placated, a fact she was thankful for. The other thing she was thankful for was the fact that she didn’t ask her what she was actually doing, and took the fumbling non-answer as an answer. Now, that might have been the fever talking, but Daina’s taken her word on some pretty weird shit before… she still didn’t understand it, but when she asked Kaito for his thoughts, whether she should be worried about it, he only sighed.

“She trusts you, Flower. That’s why.”

Hm. If that was true, that was a poor decision on Daina’s part. Tucking her phone between her cheek and shoulder, she stared at the box. “If you say so. Do I just throw everything together?”

She could hear the confusion. “What? Throw what together -- oh, the muffin mix?”

“Yeah.”

“Uh…” There was a long moment of silence, and Flower wondered if her friend was giving up on her intelligence. Also fair, and the fact he hasn’t done so yet continued to surprise her. “I think so…? Why are you asking me?”

“Because you cook, and speak English fluently?”

“That… Flower, I have no idea what the box says. I can’t see it.”

Crinkle crinkle. She flipped it around in her hands. “It’s a bag. Does that make any difference?”

“Wh--” There was a faint stutter through the line. She could just see the confusion now. The way he would squint and throw his hands up. “I don’t know? If you’re so worried, just... Okay, send me a picture and I can read it.”

She needed a phone. Hm. Using Daina’s was out of the picture… she hung up and set the bag down.

Pause.

She hung up without saying a thing. Oops.

* * *

One translated set of instructions later -- and some profuse apologies -- she was staring down the many bowls on her counter. This was how it was supposed to be done, right? Right. She’s seen them do it like this on cooking shows all the time. Now, why an uncracked egg needed its own bowl was a bit confusing. But it was what was done, so it is what she would do as well. It would probably help to read the instructions, but it was missing key ingredients. She didn't trust it.

Egg. Butter. Milk. Muffin mix. Giant bowl. Smaller bowl for the liquids. Okay, yeah, sure, she could dump them in with the muffin mix, but… she’d never seen true bakers do such a thing. No, they always had their army of bowls in a neatly organized chaos pit that made no sense to anyone but themselves and anyone within their weird little baker club who actually knew what was going on. But this was fine. She could manage.

“Okay, put mix into bowl…” Ruthlessly tearing off the top strip with some struggle (why oh why did bags always catch at the end?), she upended its contents without caution. Hm… She peeked inside the bag and shook it. Was that it?! That wasn’t nearly enough. Dammit. Did she have another bag…?

She had to rummage through the box of Things Dex Sent to find another pouch. This one was blue… blueberry, probably. Hm… not the same as strawberry, but hopefully it would mix nicely. She’s seen fruit mixes before, mixed berries were a thing, right? Well. Even if it wasn’t… it was now.

Humming to herself, she dumped that into her bowl too. Okay, so if she was making doubles, she had to double the amount needed of everything else. Right? Right. The milk and butter would be easy enough… but the egg… there was only one egg.

Was the egg important? Would the amount of egg in it be what made it? Or break it? She puzzled long and hard over the question as she squished the butter with her fork. Okay, she was supposed to use a stand mixer for this, if she remembered right, but who in their right mind actually owned one if they didn’t use it? Bitches were expensive, and she was on a budget. A fork would do the job just fine.

It was less noisy, too. Less likely to alert her miserable girlfriend.

“Okay, okay, mix with milk… right?” It was… potentially a liquid. It could be melted, so it was good enough for her. Dumping the milk into the bowl, she scraped out the butter. It landed inside with a rather unappetizing splat. Hurgh… Watching tiny bits of it floating made her wonder why anyone would ever like watching this.

Daina did, the weirdo. Her beloved weirdo.

Egg. Shit. She needed to figure out what to do with the egg… wait, there were vegan cookies, weren’t there? Cookies without eggs? Yeah. Yeah, there were, so maybe she didn’t need it after all. It might just be for flavor and stuff… Nodding to herself, she cracked the lone egg into the mess and tossed it into the trash bin with ease. Perfect. Things were going great!

They went less great as she tried to mix the weird slush of liquids (and one not-liquid) together. She hadn’t even added it to the dry stuff yet, and already it was stupid lumpy. Smushing the lumps didn’t seem to help; no, they only escaped the wrath of her fork. Taunting her. Mocking her for the care she was trying to give to her girlfriend. She would not be bested by a clump of fats and dairy!

Deciding this was as good as she’d get it, she unceremoniously dumped the mixture into the big bowl. It slowly spread out, almost… rolling. Ew. How this would turn out into something edible, Flower had absolutely no clue. Shaking her doubts away, she got to mixing…. And mixing… and mixing… three turns of her fork in, and already she was in pain. It quickly turned into a thick goo that she struggled to get moving. And there was so much flour at the edges of the bowl… okay, she was beginning to understand the glory of stand mixers. Alas. She did not have the foresight to go buy one, OR borrow one. Dammit, she just talked to a guy who had one, why did she not ask for it?

Because she was a fool, that was why.

Uttering a word her mother would be disappointed in her for saying, she stared at the mix some more. Maybe it needed more milk… She picked up the carton and studied it. Hm. There wasn’t a whole lot of this left, either, so she could probably put the rest of it in there.

...on second thought, that might’ve been too much. Flower winced at how much pooling there was. Well. Fuck. How do you fix that? Furious stirring? Yeah. Worth a shot, even if her arms immediately protested the action. She was going to be so goddamn buff after this, she’d be able to punch through a brick wall or something. It’d be worth it. It had to be worth it. It was going to be worth it, just so long as Daina smiled when she saw a plate of freshly baked muffins with a side of ham and potatoes… Daina liked those, and they were pretty hardy… good for colds, hopefully!

Okay. What was the next step… muffin tin. Flower opened her cabinet and realized she did not own a muffin tin.

Standing there with her head tipped back, staring up into the cabinet above the stove, she also realized she should’ve thought this through a little more. But making muffins hadn’t seemed so hard at first. Just add milk, and everything fun and all that. That was not how it was going. Nope. Okay. She could fix this. She could make a muffin cake. It wouldn’t be round, or muffin-shaped, or muffin-sized, but it would be muffins. Pulling out her square pan, she stuck it down on the counter, squinting at it. Would this be big enough? Yeah. Yeah, it was probably fine.

It was a little close to the top for comfort, but that was fine. It probably wouldn’t burn the house down or anything. Things drip out of their pans all the time, right? Right. And this wasn’t like grease, which would immediately say “fuck you” and destroy whatever appliance and household you dared to cook it in.

She stuck it in the oven. Alright, fifteen minutes should do the trick, right? Right. That sounded like it’d work. And if not, well… she could just shove it back in there!

All she had to do now was wait. Oh, and check in on her sick girlfriend, but she could do both at once. Hah. Could that be construed as multitasking? She was gonna call it multitasking. Let her have this.

* * *

“Good God,” Daina rolled over to stare at Flower, “what were you doing that made so much noise?”

Busted. Flower dropped herself onto the covers next to her girlfriend, careful not to land on any wayward limbs. “Nothing,” she responded as innocently as she could muster. She could not, and would not, ruin the surprise! “Just making lunch. Do you want some?”

“What is it?” Shit. In hindsight, she probably should’ve seen the question coming. Okay. Here it was, the consequences of her actions. Should’ve thought that through a little more… ah, dammit, Daina’s still staring at her with increasing suspicion.

“Eh, nothing much. Fancy bread, or something.” She waved her off, turning her head flippantly. “I didn’t really check. It sounded good, though.”

There was a long moment of listening to Daina breathing through her mouth before she sighed, falling back onto her side and pulling the covers up to her chin. “Huh. Maybe a little bit, then.”

“Do you need th--”

“No, I don’t need another bucket. I’m holding you to having better cooking skills than I do.”

Flower couldn’t help but swallow a little nervously. “Bold choice.”

Her partner shrugged. “It’s not a very high bar,” she offered. If she didn’t look so much like a crumpled up soda can, her expression could’ve been described as cute. ...alright, who was Flower fooling, she still thought it was cute, even if Daina needed to maybe wash her face. Carefully, she reached out to try and wipe off the smudged eyeliner that migrated down her cheek.

“So.” She pat the soft, squishy, rosy cheek. “How do you feel?”

“My head hurts.”

Oops. Probably shouldn’t be whacking her in the face then, however gentle she might be. “You need something for it? Wait. I will go look.” It took her longer than she would’ve liked to fumble around for the sheet of paper with the times written on it, but it was there. Right on the desk. Right under her nose. Fuck’s sake. She looked over the numbers.

From her spot under the covers, Daina mumbled something that, from what little Flower managed to catch, was trying to be helpful. Alas, it was not helpful because she had no idea what the hell “it’s not that tiny” meant in context of anything going on in their current conversation.

“Okay,” was all she said in reply. “You can take another, uh… tylenol. Make your head stop hurting for a bit. It helps, yeah?”

Her girlfriend responded with a whine that Flower took to mean an affirmative. Fetching the caplets and some water, she stuck them right in front of her face, waving them in an attempt to coax Daina into sitting up. She complained all the while, but she did end up sitting up. “You don’t have to go check on it for a while, do you?”

“Uh…” To be quite honest, she probably should. But… it’d be fine, right? It wasn’t as if she was going to burn the house down if she did whatever it was Daina wanted her to do for a little while. “What do you need?”

“Can you just… stay for a little bit? I’m bored.”

“But--”

“Yes, I know I have things to do. No, I don’t want to do them. Everything hurts and I can’t think straight.”

Flower cringed. Ah. So it was comfort she wanted? “I’m sorry.” She reached out to place a hand on the top of Daina’s head, which she received no objections to. Lightly scritching her fingers over her scalp, she followed Daina into laying back down. A thought struck her. “Hey. Do you think you got this from Ruby?”

“Eugh, probably. It’d make sense.” Daina sniffled and coughed, making Flower very glad she was wearing a mask. “At least it wasn’t Dex’s fault this time. Y’know, when we were kids, we’d always get sick together. Like. Without fail. One of us would get something from school, and that was it. Didn’t even live together at the time, and yet we’d always just hand whatever crud we got around to eachother.”

“This is why I tell you to wear masks more.” Even if Flower was chiding her, her girlfriend still closed her eyes under the way her fingers slid through her hair. Figures. “Makes you sick less.”

“I know, I know.”

“And now you really know. So I will not tell you again.”

* * *

It was a little while later that Flower realized she, like the fool she was, had dozed off. Roused by the angry beeping of the oven, she quickly checked to make sure Daina was still asleep before she stumbled off.

Well. No smoke. That was a good sign, wasn’t it? It took her several tries to get the stupid thing to shut up, but it cut off mid-cry with another, more mournful beep. She said something in irritation that her mother would’ve hit her with a book for. After a moment, she said it again, out of spite.

She said it a third time when she pulled it out of the oven and saw the middle was still all jiggly. Thump. It made a very sad noise when she slammed it on the counter. Come on, really? This was how it was gonna go down? Fuck. She should’ve just put it on in a higher temp or something. Bake it faster. With a sigh, she propped her elbows up onto the counter and drummed her fingers against her cheeks.

Okay, so what now? Back into the oven? Poke poke. Yeah… that wasn’t cooked. “Back into the oven with you,” she grumbled, pushing the door shut with her foot and knee.

Flower picked up her phone to type out a quick vent of baking disaster.

< ‘fucker isn’t cooked in the center. I did what it said!’

It took several minutes of sulking to get a response.

> ‘That happens.'

> ‘Just put it back in for a few more minutes. How bad is it?’

< ‘entire center was wet. fk.’

> ‘The entire center? How long did you put it in for?’

< ‘15 minutes’

> ‘And it’s not done? How low did you have it?’

She felt a strong sense of vindication, but also triumph. Hah. She was onto something.

< ‘not that low, like 175 like u said’

> ‘For fifteen minutes??? I think there’s something wrong with your oven.’

Pulling the door open just the slightest amount, she took another picture, and sent it off to her friend and cooking expert. Okay, yes, she knew he wasn’t good at baking, but fuck, he was the only option she had. And besides, some food knowledge was better than none, right? Right.

There was a very long pause before she got another text that was completely indecipherable. Honestly, it looked like he tried to write three different things at once and didn't finish backspacing when he tried to reword his thoughts. Another moment of waiting, and judgement awaited her. 

> ‘WHY IS IT IN A CAKE TIN’

> ‘FLOWER’

> ‘you are making muffins’

> ‘in a CAKE TIN???’

“Well, now that’s rude…” She looked back at her oven. “What’s wrong with that? It doesn’t melt.”

> ‘flower. Flower, the centers won’t cook in fifteen minutes on a cake tin. There’s too much batter. It heats from the outside in’

> ‘give it another fifteen and keep an eye on it’

> ‘and please use a muffin tin next time you’re making muffins’

> ‘i am in pian’

< ‘you’re always in pain’

> ‘I KNOW. YOU'RE NOT HELPING.’

* * *

Another fifteen minutes of being yelled at passed. Flower was used to such an occurrence, given her mother's frequent disappointment in her existence, but this might be one of the few times she welcomed it, if only for the fact that it was funny to watch Kaito get worked up over it. In a not-serious manner. She was pretty sure that he was mostly joking… It wasn’t as if she was known for her domestic skills, that was for sure. Cul would probably say she was known for her lack of such.

But fuck. She was trying. For her girlfriend! She’d do it for her girlfriend! Her sick and miserable girlfriend who was going to get a muffin cake if it was the last thing she did.

Pulling it out of the oven went a little better this time, probably thanks to her thinning patience. It didn’t wiggle /too/ much. Just a little -- but Kaito did say she could let it sit for a couple minutes to let it finish cooking. Something about residual heat and accounting for it and shit. Whatever. She was sure the eggs were cooked enough to not poison anyone.

She waited for all of two minutes before deciding that was good enough. Time to take it out of the tin! Unveil her masterpiece!

Now, as one might guess, there was a small problem with that idea. It dawned on her as she flipped it upside down and nothing happened. Slowly, gently, she lowered the pan. Fuck. She didn’t grease the thing, did she?

Alright. So this was how it was gonna go. Okay. Cool. She could handle this. Turning around at a pleasant, leisurely pace, she strode over to the knife rack and considered her options. A cleaver would be overkill, as satisfying as it might be. A paring knife wasn’t going to cut it (quite literally, perhaps). Box cutter? No. Though it might suit her just fine, she was sure that went against several cooking sanitary and safety guidelines. Or something like that. It happens.

A butterknife. Yeah, that’d do it.

Faintly, she heard a voice in the back of her head telling her that was a dinner knife. But who used a knife at dinner? It was for butter, and butter only. That made it a butterknife. Her girlfriend always called it a butterknife. Ann’s technicality can stuff it.

“I am the master of this kitchen,” she told the cowering breakfast snack. It trembled beneath its aluminum armor. “You have no say in this world.”

Lining it up, she began banging on the bottom of the pan. Ah. Fuck, this was gonna have a couple more dings in it by the time she was done, but if it got the stupid muffin out, she’d be fine with that. However, her enemy did not budge. She lifted the tin to no avail.

Flipping it back over with a loud bang, she blew her hair out of her face. “Fine then. We can play it this way.”

She stabbed it much like you would someone you’re particularly mad at, to the point of committing a little thing called homicide. Where she took a turn, however, was that she began sawing unevenly afterwards. Soon enough, she pried out something that could reasonably be called a muffin. It was faintly muffin shaped, if more… round… than normal….

A couple more made their way onto a plate before Flower decided she had enough of that. Okay. Fuck. She didn’t feel like making ham and potatoes anymore. Was her love not strong enough?

No. No, it was, but her body was weak and her legs hurt.

Also, Daina might kill her if she ruined the kitchen while she was sick. This was bad enough. Okay. Yeah. This was fine. It might not be a heavenly buffet, but it was food. And hopefully decent food. At the very least, it wasn’t going to poison her any worse than she already was. Grabbing a diet cola from the fridge, she headed into the bedroom.

Daina made the absolute saddest whine Flower had ever heard the moment she opened the door. Aw. Making her way over where she lay, she sat down and set down the refreshments. “Okay. You can get up now.”

“What if I don’t wanna?” Daina countered from under the blanket. To her relief, though, an eye did peek out. Okay. Good. She could be reasoned with, then, she wasn’t feeling too terrible.

Flower leaned back, careful not to squish any delicate bodyparts under her bony elbows. “Hm. Then you miss out on good food. I make you muffins, and you repay me like this?”

Now that got her girlfriend to shoot up out of the covers. A poor choice, given the immediate groaning she made, but Flower was a little more concerned about having her head knocked into. Ow. She flopped over and curled up.

“That was not better! That was worse! Fuck, ow, you’re sick with a headache and you still do that?!”

“I’m sorry,” Daina looked close to crying and laughing. “I’m so sorry, I didn’t m-- I didn’t mean to! Are you okay?”

“No. I will die now.”

“Please don’t. I -- fuck, I can’t kiss you -- I’ll eat your muffins?”

Flower sat up and gave Daina a bit of a hopeful look. She really was going to -- wait, why was Daina turning red? Ah, was her fever coming back? Gently, she placed the back of her hand to her forehead. Hm. Sweaty, but not as bad as it had been. So why…?

“...don’t give me that look, Flower.”

“What look?”

“I don’t think you want me to, y’know,” she made a gesture that Flower might’ve understood had food not been--

Wait a minute.

 _Oh_.

“--while I’m still sick.” Daina was wincing.

Slowly, Flower folded her hands together. Even more gently than before, she pressed them up against her mouth and closed her eyes. The thought was nice, but… this was not a time to look forward to it, considering that morning. “Eat your muffins, please. Spare me. Just eat them. They’re right there.”

With her embarrassed huddling still in effect, she missed the expressions her girlfriend made, but she did hear the choking noise. That was a little concerning.

However, when she looked up, Daina was grinning. At Flower's baffled look, she offered, "it's really good. Surprisingly good. Did you make these yourself?"

Flower nodded. "I used some of the muffins Dex sent. It… Was not easy to do. I'm glad you like them!"

* * *

The moment her beloved left the room, Daina quietly set the plate on the table. They tasted like milk, with a hint of berries. Its texture was wrong, too, like a sad attempt as pancakes. How such a result happened, she didn't know.

She still ate another one, though. It was the thought that counted, and, well, Flower tried. Maybe she should make her watch more baking shows with her, though…

**Author's Note:**

> For those baffled, Flower and Kaito are friends through Gakupo and bad dating advice.
> 
> For those curious, if a recipe calls for eggs, you do, in fact, need eggs! Or some other, similarly glue-like substance. Trust me on that. I have made peanut butter cookies without eggs before. They tasted like flour and crisco and didn't bake properly at all.


End file.
